A WOMAN who is a year younger than actor Timothée Chalamet still feels like a raging nonce for fancying him, she has admitted.
Eleanor Shaw, aged 24, is aware that the Dune star would have been in the year above her at school so there is nothing technically wrong with wanting to jump his age-appropriate bones, but confessed that it feels bad and shameful.
She said: “When I see him the initial tide of lust is immediately polluted by an oil slick of profound guit. I want to shag him senseless, but I know what he really needs a good square meal and help with his DT coursework.
“His lanky, brooding vibe makes me feel like a teenage girl, which I’m not, and also makes me feel like his mum and like I should be cautioned by the police.
“There would be nothing wrong with us going out, if it came to it. Legally it’d be fine. I’ve Googled it about twenty times to check there’s no error on his Wikipedia page.”
“But I just can’t get over that he looks like my friend’s fit older brother or the horny French exchange kid who smokes at the back of the bus.”
Sighing, she added: “I’ll wait until he starts losing his hair. At which point I won’t fancy him anymore, obviously.”