Friday, 3rd July 2020

Britain driving like a bellend

DRIVING like a bit of a bellend is completely acceptable at the moment, Britons have agreed.

Due to the fact that most people haven’t set foot inside a vehicle for over two months, operating your car like a small child on fairground dodgems is to be expected.

Driver Stephen Malley said: “It’s fine if I swerve a bit and behave erratically, even whilst in stationary traffic. Normally it would be annoying but currently it’s not.

“The fact that no-one else is around gives me a wonderful sense that the road is mine alone, and I can do whatever I like with zero consequences because it’s an unprecedented time.

“Although the other day I actually saw someone else coming the other way. I had to get back on my side of the road and everything. But it’s great being able to park anywhere and I love the fact that traffic lights are optional.”