Cameron Shoots Toaster
TORY leader David Cameron last night sought to bolster his green credentials by taking his toaster into the street and shooting it at point blank range.
Party strategists described Mr Cameron's toaster execution as the first salvo in the Tories' War on Appliances.
Mr Cameron will today order his shadow cabinet to remove a favourite counter-top appliance from their kitchens and either push it under a bus or take it to the countryside and drown it in a stream.
A Conservative spokesman said Mr Cameron's toaster was the "architect of its own destruction" after ignoring a series of verbal and written warnings since the middle of June.
The spokesman added: "As a society we have some very important decisions to make, not just about toast, but about the smoothing of fruit."
Eyewitnesses said the Tory leader showed no mercy as he terminated his toaster at around 8.20 pm last night.
Neighbour Julian Cook, 51, said: "I heard Mr Cameron's front door being opened and looked out the window, but there was no-one there.
"Next thing I see is the toaster flying through the air and landing in the road.
"Mr Cameron then appears and marches down the path, loading a pair of cartridges into his shotgun.
"He then stands over the toaster, which I think was a Russell Hobbs, and calls it a 'planet killing son-of-a-bitch' before emptying both barrels.
"He then looked up and greeted me with a cheerful 'good evening' before going back inside. I think his commitment to tackling climate change is genuine."