A CAT is certain that its owners will appreciate having a mauled bird brought into their house.
Long-haired cat Wayne Hayes caught the bird after his human masters were unimpressed by the voles and mice he previously dragged into the kitchen.
Hayes said: “When I brought a mouse in they were actually quite angry, but on reflection I realised that a mouse is actually a shitty present as mice don’t have much meat on them.
“Clearly they have been holding out for a bird. They’ll want to do the killing themselves, because that is the fun part.
“So I’m bringing it through the cat flap in an alive but slightly maimed condition, so that it can flap around the house crashing into things. Catching it is going to be a great test of their reflexes.
“It looks so delicious I am tempted to eat it myself, but I know my place.”