Daily Express readers still stranded in six feet of imaginary snow

DAILY Express readers are spending another day trapped indoors by imaginary snowdrifts.

It is the fifth year running they have had to endure imaginary miserable weather worse than the great 1947 freeze.

Tom Logan, 67, said, “We’ve shut our curtains to keep in the warm and are living on tins of baked beans. I imagine snowploughs will be out in force soon but we’ve heard nothing – thanks to Diane Abbott.

“Fortunately, despite the terrible conditions, they’re somehow managing to deliver the Daily Express every day so we’ve got a lifeline to what’s actually going on in the world. All the radio and TV stations are down, I shouldn’t wonder.”

Logan referred to an imaginary ‘spirit of the Blitz’ which he said was helping to sustain his own household and an imaginary, resilient English community.

He also said that this would show imaginary scrounging migrants precisely the sort of stern stuff the English were made of.

Meanwhile, Logan castigated an imaginary liberal elite for upholding imaginary health and safety conditions which were somehow responsible for their imaginary predicament.