Friday, 7th May 2021

Feral sourdough starters spotted on moors

ABANDONED and unwanted sourdough starters are attacking sheep on remote moorland, farmers have warned. 

The starters, which were the darlings of the middle-classes before being dropped the moment they could leave the house again, are roaming countryside hungry for prey.

Dartmoor resident Norman Steele said: “My dogs were barking in the yard last night. When I went to check on them there was a trail to the fence, and the fence had a hole in it. Usually the dogs do anything to get out but they wouldn’t go near it.

“There was a stink of fermented yeast in the air, trails of gloopy white on the ground, and when I tried to follow it the sinister sound of bubbling only got louder. I fled, terrified for my life.”

Experts believe as many as 2,000 sourdough starters were released into the wild and, thriving in the damp conditions and driven mad by not being posted on Instagram, have turned feral.

Farmer Roy Hobbs said: “I’ve lost three chickens in the last week. I check on them in the morning and there’s just a pile of feathers, a beak, and the smell of organic rye flour and pointless aspiration.

“Thing is, these starters have no natural predators. And they’re only getting bolder.”