Friday, 30th October 2020

Man slightly too far away to hold the door for

A MAN is not quite close enough to hold the door open for, it has been confirmed.

The time it would take for Stephen Malley to reach the held door would negate any good feeling that had accrued between the two participants and leave them feeling like twats.

Potential door-holder Oliver O’Connor said: “The rules are clear. The limit for holding the door should not exceed the time taken for the door to close on its own, multiplied by three.

“In addition, his step-to-time ratio is too slow, and I will feel like a creepy weirdo smiling and staring at him as he approaches. I’m not going to hold it.”

Malley said: “Having to do that embarrassing walk-jog to get there in time is more inconvenient than simply opening the door by myself. He did the right thing. It’s a lose-lose scenario.

“Anyway, if I feel the need to get him back, I’ll just make sure to whack the ‘close doors’ button next time I see him approaching a lift.”