THE arrival of spring has left Britain’s flowers feeling miserable about returning to work, they have revealed.
Although humans are delighted to see them blooming again, flowers are uninspired by their tedious daily routine of sucking up nutrients, photosynthesis and being hassled by insects.
Daffodil Wayne Hayes said: “After the winter break it’s really hard getting back into the swing of things. I came out of the soil this morning and straight away wished I was still tucked up in my bulb.
“There’s loads on my to-do list – spreading my roots, opening my petals, waving gaily in the breeze.
“The worst thing is all the office politics in the flowerbed. Today I heard a bunch of lupins bitching about the roses getting all the greenfly spray and I was like, ‘Get a life, plants!’
“Soon I’ll have to start doing all that ‘meet and greet’ bullshit with bees. They’re pushy little bastards because the hives give them honey on commission, but it’s the only way to get pollinated.”