Thursday, 13th May 2021

Kids doing 'forest school' actually just no-deal preparation, admits government

THE government has admitted that otherwise inexplicable ‘forest school’ sessions in primary schools are preparation for hard Brexit.

A spokesman said: “We believe the children are the future. Like in that song. Except in this case we were thinking, ‘let’s ensure the nation’s youth can make burgers out of cockroaches’.

“We were thinking it would all get a bit more ‘Lord of the Flies’, to be honest. Mud swiped under each eye and sheer, murderous insanity. That kind of stuff.

“However it appears that children had only learnt to trace leaves, ‘observe’ insects and poke their friends with bits of stick.

“Our next initiative is to expand the covert playground ‘mud kitchen’ programme, so the children get used to meals made of dung and bits of gravel.”