MANY of this year’s lambs are being born jaded.
According to research by the Institute for Studies, 74% of newborn lambs feel ‘unexcited’ about spring.
One-week old lamb Julian Cook said: “You’re born, you process grass, you die.
“Spring? It is what it is. Personally I think the whole thing of having ‘seasons’ is a marketing ploy to get people buying different coats.
“I can’t relate to it at all.”
Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Lambs are far more hard-hearted than their reputation suggests.
“Contrary to popular belief, only one lamb in 20 partakes in skipping or gambolling, and while they do so the other members of the flock suck their teeth in disgust.”
Two-day old lamb Nikki Hollis said: “I’m just a by-product of agriculture, I had an ear tag before I could even walk properly.
“Already people bring their kids to look at me and point. What do they even want? I can’t give these people hope.
“Also, I find the notion of ‘cuteness’ vaguely pornographic.”