AN office worker has been forced to lazily send just two emails from home today due to Storm Ciarán.
Martin Bishop has been told not to come into the office today due to the dangerous weather, meaning he has no alternative but to do the bare minimum from the comfort of his sofa instead.
He said: “Usually I’d have slouched into work half an hour late by now, ready for a busy day of idly switching between tabs and taking 20-minute loo breaks. But thanks to the wind I have to work with Homes Under the Hammer on in the background.
“I’ll try and get started by aimlessly scrolling through my inbox, then I’ll treat myself to a well-earned break for a couple of hours before doing the washing-up. Hopefully that should see me through until lunch.
“This afternoon I’ve got a meeting, but so long as I move my mouse every few minutes I can get away with doing something else like having a wank. At five to five I’ll hastily rattle off a couple of emails, then it’s quitting time.
“I’d be slightly more productive if I was in the office, but this blasted weather really has put me in a corner. God forbid it lasts until tomorrow and I essentially get a four-day weekend. I don’t think I could cope.”
Bishop’s boss Nikki Hollis said: “Why doesn’t he just pull a sickie like the rest of us? Amateur.”