Man refuses to accept it is too cold for shorts

A MAN who has insisted on wearing shorts for every day of his UK holiday is refusing to concede that he is cold. 

Nathan Muir has also worn a sunglasses and flip-flops throughout the fortnight’s break in Weymouth, even in heavy rain.

Wife Kelly said: “We’re all in waterproofs. He’s swanning around in cargo shorts and a Miami Beach T-shirt like he’s in the f**king Caribbean.

“I can see him shivering but it seems putting on a pair of jeans would be admitting defeat, as if his pale tuberous legs are going to shame the clouds into going away.

“Give it up, Nathan. You’re not ‘considering a sarong’ to look like 1998-era David Beckham. You’re considering it because you’re freezing.”

Nathan said: “It’s summer, I’m on holiday, therefore the weather is fantastic. It’s just clouded over a bit, that’s all.

“I am not cold at all. In fact I can’t even feel my legs. Who’s up for a paddle?”

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Years of therapy unravelled in three-minute conversation with nephew

A WOMAN’S years of positive therapeutic work have been completely undone in one short conversation with her four-year-old nephew.

Nikki Hollis, aged 31, is now experiencing a combination of body dysmorphia, anxiety and depression following aggressive questioning from her sister’s son Noah.

She said: “I only popped in to deliver a birthday present. But the psychological abuse I’ve suffered has me back weeping in the playground surrounded by jeering bullies again.

“He opened with ‘Why don’t you have a husband? Is it because you wear funny clothes? Or because your hair is so weird?’

“That was followed with ‘Mummy says it’s not your fault that you haven’t got a proper job, but I think it is. I want to make computer games so I’ll work hard at school.’

“Then he stared at my face for a full minute before saying ‘Why are your teeth that colour?’ before offering me an imaginary cup of tea then pulling it away because ‘Daddy says you drink too much’.

“I was on the phone to my therapist before I was out the door, booking an urgent appointment. She congratulated me for biting my tongue about my suspicions that Daddy isn’t his daddy at all.”