Massive labrador claims it's just puppy fat

A FAT labrador claims his excessive size is just puppy fat despite being nine years old and finishing every meal with a trifle.

Taunton-based dog Wayne Hayes said of his hulking eight stone frame: “It’s just some adorable chub from adolescence.

“Admittedly I do go hard on the sweet treats, but then my main diet is room temperature meat that smells like Boris Johnson after a workout.

“I could easily run off ‘the weight’ in a park chasing a pigeon, but for what? You don’t need a hot body to hump a throw cushion.

“Anyway it’s good to be part of something, even if that something is an obesity epidemic.”

Hayes added: “If I do get fatter, they’ll have no choice but to drag me along on a skateboard and then the internet will be mine.”

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Daily Mail readers planning march against the public sector

PLANS to increase pay in the public sector have prompted outraged Daily Mail readers to organise a demonstration in London.

The pay rises are the last straw for readers already furious about huge public sector pensions, Marxist teachers promoting gayness and lazy nurses who chat to each other.

Retired engineer Roy Hobbs said: “We’ve started a campaign called ‘Stop The Public Sector’ and we’re going to march on Parliament to oppose these immoral, unjust pay rises.

“We want to send a message that hardworking taxpayers won’t accept cosseted policemen and prison officers bleeding the country dry with their greed.

“I’ll be taking a megaphone and leading chants like ‘What do we want? Low pay for nurses! When do we want it? Now!’ and ‘Money money money! Less less less!’

“My local Daily Mail action group has been making placards with biting slogans like ‘Council workers? Council SHIRKERS!’ and ‘No £££s for Plod, he’s an overpaid sod!’

“Hopefully the protest will be peaceful, but when you think about how inefficient the public sector is it wouldn’t surprise me if someone throws a brick at an ambulance.”

Police officer Nikki Hollis: “No doubt I’ll end up treating Mail readers who’ve forgotten their angina pills and they’ll be really grateful then go back to slagging us off the next day. Twats.”