Weather officially no longer small talk

WEATHER is no longer a safe topic for small talk in social situations, experts have confirmed.

As storms and climate-related events continue to cause destruction across the globe, people just wanting a chat have been advised to steer clear of all conversation about any form of weather.

Office worker Nikki Hollis said: “I was in a lift with a colleague the other day and we started talking about how it feels like autumn is setting in.

“The next thing I knew we were analysing the psychology of climate change deniers and wondering how we’d each fare when society collapses under the waves.”

She added: “By the time we reached the fifth floor, we’d got onto whether the planet was rejecting humans altogether.”

However, politics and religion have been downgraded to ‘relatively safe’ topics for discussion, as everyone agrees that Theresa May is a disaster and if there is a god, it is a vengeful one.

Anyone still concerned about stumbling into controversy, has been advised to stick to holiday plans, anecdotes about pets and Piers Morgan being a dickhead.