34-year-old man enjoys final day of non-creepy flirting

A MAN in his mid-thirties is enjoying his final day of flirting without it just being creepy.

Barista Tom Logan, who is 35 tomorrow, plans to spend today making mildly flirtatious small talk with attractive female customers.

He said: “Tomorrow I will be an old man, and my flirty chit-chat will seem at best pathetic, and at worst mildly menacing.

“I’ll be a middle-aged man and if I give anyone free chocolate sprinkles they’ll either punch me in the face or tell their boyfriend what I did so that he can punch me in the face.”

From tomorrow, single Logan must start being polite but not overly friendly to women: “I’m definitely not going to compliment anyone’s umbrella or say they look a bit like a famous person. They’ll think I’m lonely or a perv.

“Hopefully I’ll meet a girlfriend in the normal, non-creepy way of swiping my greasy finger across their photo on a screen to confirm that I find them sexually attractive.”

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Hillary Clinton's new book titled 'How I F**ked Up'

HILLARY Clinton has written a new memoir explaining how she managed to deliver the world’s greatest superpower into the hands of a drooling orangutan. 

How I Fucked Up puts into words how an experienced career politician somehow bungled a presidential race so badly that it may end democracy in the United States forever. 

Clinton said: “Here it is, the warts-and-all chronicle of how, armed only with a massive sense of entitlement and no policies whatsoever, I managed to lose the contest literally nobody thought I could. 

“I take you through my experience of repeating easy soundbites and taking part in vapid viral challenges while throwing away an election and knocking women’s rights back at least a generation. 

“It’s a fascinating read. You’ll find it hard to believe a supposedly intelligent person could be so amazingly stupid.”