We’re off on holiday now, say lucky child-free bastards

PEOPLE lucky enough not to have children are now taking their significantly cheaper and quieter holidays, they have confirmed. 

Across Britain, adults who have an easy life anyway are leaving their desks empty to spend two weeks in a seven-star villa in the Greek islands for less than child owners paid for a week in fucking Cornwall. 

Marketing manager Julian Cook, who claims the issue of children ‘never came up’ in his marriage, said: “August is so hot in Europe, but in September the sea’s still nice and warm but the weather’s that lovely bit cooler. 

“The beaches are practically deserted, there’s no whining kids in Manchester City away shirts clogging your view of the Venetian harbour, and you’re escaping the dreadful wet autumn in Britain. 

“We’d go away then even if they weren’t practically giving flights and car hire away, which they are. It’s all so cheap and brilliant.” 

He said: “I bet looking after kids all the time is fun too though.”