Fifteen-year-old Active J, known in his detached home as Joshua Hudson, ‘as da rankest day hever on him’s school trip.
WAGWAN? Man ’as been on a rollercoaster ride, fam, literally and megaphorically. Active J woz bare uninspired to swag at a toddler theme park, called Chessington Worlds of Hadventure.
Miss Jackson ‘ad horganised it as a no school drip event, so Active J woz flexin’ boxfresh North Face t-shirt, cap an’ shorts, crisp white Nike socks wiv man’s second-best, crease-free Jordan 1s. Man woz swaggin’ leng nang, innit.
Peng gyal, Lady G, wanted to feed da giraffe animals, an’ dry long-neck knobhead pulled Active J’s North Face cap off wiv its mingin’ mouth. Labels on, still.
Den dickhead Drillla wanted to go on da Mandrill Mayhemp rollercoaster, or sumfink. So mandem crew queued up for time, but couldn’t chug fruity vapes coz Miss Jackson so just ‘ad multiple cans of Monster. Active J woz bare jittery goin’ on da rollercoaster, coz Monster, fam.
Da ride woz not peng, fam. Not peng at all. It went up an’ down an’ movin’ bare schitz. Miss Jackson woz uber-shook, Active J ad’ to hold her’s hand bare tight, an’ some bruv woz screamin’ to get off. Not man I know.
When da ride stopped Miss Jackson her’s hand hurtin’, but Active J had little bit sick on him’s North Face top, from da Monster. So man ‘ad to wash him’s top in da toilets, but man ‘ad too many sneaky vape chugs in there an’ woz sick hagain. Bare grim.
Lady G den took Active J on boat ride called Tigers Rocks. Dat woz nang huntil it climbed up a ramp an’ dived into a henormous wet puddle. Wot is dat habout, bruv? Active J woz turbo-vexed, innit. All da NPCs woz starin’ at Active J, but not for finkin’ man is boss, dem woz finkin’ man woz jokes for ragin’. Wastemans.
Da day woz rank, fam. Active J woz hunrecognisable, coz man ‘ad to hendure da hoomiliation of buyin’ a loud Chessington brand tee from da gift shop an’ carry him’s sicky North Face top in an Lidl bag. A Lidl bag, fam!
Fam, a knobhead giraffe ‘ad thieved man’s cap, man’s shorts woz wet an’ him’s Jordan’s woz squelchy, like man ‘ad done a haccident. None of dis would ‘ave ‘appended if man ‘ad worn him’s Cole Buxton puffer jacket wiv da hood. Clapped.
Man woz low an’ deep. Heveryone woz snappin’ man. Active J woz a walkin’ hoptic for theme park memes, an’ spent da rest of da day out of da way on deadman Gruffalo ride. But den, a park mugbot sed woz it ok to use man’s photos for promotion an’ ting.
So who is on da theme park’s Insta haccount, bustin’ swag an’ throwin’ gangsta shapes? You is correct, fam; Active J is da official boss roadman of Chessington Muggle World of Rank, innit. Wot a day! Gassed.
