Normal-sized rat spotted

A RAT that is ‘the size of a normal rat’ has been sighted.

Office worker Mary Fisher encountered the astonishingly standard rodent while cycling home in Bristol.

She said: “I was going along the canal path when this rat ran out in front of me. The first thing that struck me was that it was not unexpectedly large.

“Unlike all other rats, it was not the size of a cat, terrier or labrador, not it did exhibit signs of extreme bravery, aggression or intelligence.

“If you ate it, it probably wouldn’t even taste of chicken, it’d just taste of rat. It wasn’t even carrying anything weird in its mouth, like a snake for example.

“I think that if I met it in a dark alleyway at night, I’d just be like ‘oh there’s a rat’.”

The sighting follows another recent report from Wales of a rat that was fairly large but not surprisingly so.

Pest control expert Wayne Hayes said: “We could be seeing the evolution of a new species of ‘normal rat’.”

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Man who never goes out worried about social integration

A MAN whose main activity is watching television is concerned that minorities are not taking an active role in British life, he has revealed.

Postman Roy Hobbs believes it is vital for minorities to integrate with society, although personally he has no interest in leaving the house and just watches telly.

Hobbs said: “Last night I was so angry about these minorities who want to cut themselves off I could barely concentrate on watching eight solid hours of televised entertainment.

“Immigrants should be getting involved with their local British communities, which is obviously what I’d be doing if there wasn’t a new series of Motorway Dog Police on Bravo.

“If they cut themselves off how can they learn about British values and culture? I bet most of them couldn’t name more than six of the contestants on this year’s I’m A Celebrity.

“Also they need to stop having unacceptable attitudes towards women. Excuse me, I just have to set the Sky box for the new ITV thriller about a sex attacker. It’s dead exciting.”

He added: “The biggest danger is they’ll become radicalised and turn into terrorists. That always happens if people don’t go to the pub.”