BRITAIN will get just enough snow today to make driving a nightmare, but not quite enough to go home early.
The snow, which will paralyse offices while everyone stares out the window and discusses the gradient of their driveway, will intensify from about 3.30pm, only looking seriously worrying by 4.45pm.
Meteorologist Susan Traherne said: “It’ll be a full-on blizzard by the time everyone’s leaving the car park, following in the tyre tracks of senior management who fucked off ages ago.
“The journey home will take a petrifying hour during which you will not be able to stop thinking about how your tyres are dangerously bald.
“Once everyone’s home the snow will really be coming down and you’ll go to bed planning a day working from home tomorrow.
“And when you get up in the morning it will all have melted.”