This particular hurricane isn't God's judgement, say swivel-eyed preachers

HURRICANE Sandy is just an unfortunate bout of bad weather, according to America’s right-wing clerics.

Insane US priests claimed Hurricane Katrina was God’s warning to those who choose to be gay, and that the earthquake in Japan was God’s wrath against those who choose to be Japanese.

However they believe Hurricane Sandy – which is due to hit God-fearing Kentucky and South Carolina – is simply a tropical cyclone that is meteorologically typical of the region.

South Carolina preacher Wayne Hayes said: “Thanks to their God-friendly absence of homosexuals and abortion, midwestern states have always enjoyed a stable climate.

“Excluding of course the frequent tornadoes that rip through Kansas and Oklahoma, which are entirely due to low pressure systems and tropical wind patterns.

“If God were angry with us, we’d be suffering the wrath of the hurricane sweeping through Democrat North Carolina right now, sent by the Almighty to chastise them for voting for an atheist Stalinist Kenyan.”

Florida, a ‘swing state’ in the forthcoming election, is currently in the path of Hurricane Sandy.

Hayes said: “Florida has a choice. Vote Obama and brace yourself for God’s wrath or choose Romney and experience some weather shit that just happens now and again in this part of the world.

“That’s two very different types of wetness.”



Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday

BBC to investigate Pugwash rumours

THE BBC is to launch a £10m probe into claims of sexually suggestive language in its 1970s cartoons.

The inquiry will focus on previously false allegations that popular children’s programme Captain Pugwash included references to masturbation, under-age sex and seminal fluid.

A spokesman said: “We’ve decided that a ‘Pugwash’ means being urinated on simultaneously by four Radio One DJs.”

The Pugwash inquiry forms part of larger £400m BBC investigation into every single thing that was said, done or thought about in Britain between 1970 and 1985.

Meanwhile, a separate £30m probe will attempt to find out how its radio headquarters in central London came to be named ‘Bush House’.

The spokesman added: “We would prefer if you didn’t call it a ‘probe’. We think that’s inappropriate.”

The corporation stressed the Pugwash probe will not involve actually watching Captain Pugwash, but will instead examine the culture that led to rumours about the names of some of the characters in it.

The investigation will also look at other 1970s animation after claims that ‘Mary, Mungo and Midge’ was secretly used as a verb.