Tuesday, 11th May 2021

Time altered to suit nation's several remaining milkmen and farmers

TIME has once again been altered because of about a dozen people who still deliver milk or grow things.

A government spokesman said: “We have to tinker with the clocks because otherwise farmers and milkmen have to get up when it’s pitch dark, and would probably crash their respective tractors and milk floats into trees.

“Never mind that supermarkets have made milk delivery and agriculture economically unviable, so only a handful of people still do those jobs.”

However farmer Roy Hobbs said: “Don’t blame me, I’ve got a torch. Also I have headlights and other forms of electric lighting.

“I have no idea why they still do this.”

However the government spokesman added: “It’s also part of our ongoing commitment to making your life as grim as possible.”