Uber to launch gondola app once Britain fully submerged by rain

UBER is preparing to launch a gondola service once Britain is completely under water.

As the Met Office warned of increasingly biblical levels of rainfall, the taxi giant said it will offer an easy-to-use app to transfer customers from their submerged homes to submerged offices and underwater pubs and shops.

An Uber spokesperson said: “Uber Gondolas will offer a comfortable, scenic way to travel through the stinking flood water, for a fraction of the cost of a traditional riverboat.

“The gondolas are large enough to carry your scuba diving gear and fishing equipment. And they are probably sturdy enough to withstand crocodile attacks.

“We’re fairly confident there will be crocodiles as we are planning to release thousands of them.

“We don’t want people swimming to their destination when they should be giving us money.”