BRITAIN is to build a new generation of nuclear power stations after consumers said their love of dishwashers outweighed their fear of cancer and four-headed babies.
Concerns that building 20 giant bombs which could at any moment melt down and burn through to the earth's core sending the planet spinning off its axis and destroying the entire human race were set aside after it emerged that without nuclear stations there would be no Sky+.
And fears that large parts of the country could be turned into irradiated no-go areas populated by giant, flesh-eating rabbits which glowed in the dark were countered when it was revealed that without nuclear we would all have to eat Russian gas.
Wayne Hayes, a house-husband from East Lothian, said: "I'd rather have cancer of the balls than wash another dish. There's always just one more fucking fork in the bottom of the sink."
Nikki Hollis, 26, said she was worried about she would power her hair straighteners, iPod, second iPod and vibrating egg.
She added: "Without nuclear, it's hard to see how we can avoid descending into savagery."
Environmental campaigners said they too were dropping their opposition to nuclear power on the grounds it was clean, reliable and 'ever so French'.
Holly Trumbull of Greenpeace said: "Nuclear power makes you stylish, thin and looks upon affairs within marriage as an adventure. Vive la deformité."
