Monday, 10th May 2021

Vegan carves apology into pumpkin

A COMMITTED vegan has carved a tearful sorry note into a pumpkin for what it has had to suffer. 

Joseph Turner began carving the pumpkin for Halloween before being overcome with remorse at mutilating a blameless squash for entertainment.

The apology, which is carved in cursive, said: “For too long now, mankind has indulged itself with an annual festival of senseless barbarity on the flesh of you and your brothers.

“I am sorry for all the harm I, and mankind, have caused to Mother Nature’s orange children. Cutting a vegetable should only be done respectfully, and with the intention of using it to nourish your body.

“In my defence Halloween is a difficult time for the vegan community because we are constantly reminded of man’s inhumanity to vegetable, and also because vegan sweets taste vile.”

The apology concluded with a vow never to do it again, before the apology pumpkin was placed outside the house where it will frighten young children away.