Woman who makes huge f**king deal about plastic straws always flying everywhere

A WOMAN who will not stop informing people she does not use plastic straws is about to go on her third foreign holiday this year.

Eleanor Shaw loves lecturing her friends about the evils of single-use plastic despite the fact that she has a carbon footprint equivalent to a small town in Bangladesh.

Friend Nikki Hollis said: “Eleanor has made it her personal crusade to try and save the world one barely noticeable step at a time.

“She’s a very selective eco-warrior. For example, she bangs on endlessly about how much she loves her Orla Kiely ‘keep cup’, but only uses it when she drives her kids half a mile to school every day.

“When I suggested the best thing she could do for the planet is to stop flying all the time I thought she was going to throw her sustainable, organic, locally-sourced mint tea in my face.”

Shaw responded: “You need a break when you’re always saving the environment. That’s why I’m jetting to the Caribbean tomorrow where I will also go in a helicopter, ride in a speedboat and hire a massive 4×4.”