THE looming threat of World War III has led to millions of diets being put on hold.
The Institute for Studies found that despite the desire to have a ‘beach body’ for the summer, people are now thinking that being forced to eat nothing but rats and old newspapers in a post-apocalyptic wasteland would be sufficiently ‘low carb’.
Dieter, Emma Bradford said, “I haven’t eaten chocolate for 3 weeks. Or chips or lard or chips cooked in lard.
“But then when I saw the news I thought, ‘bollocks to that’.”
She added: “I’ll now be spending the evening eating lard straight from the wrapper whilst digging a big, safe hole in my garden.”
“And it’ll now have to be a slightly bigger hole than it would have been yesterday.”
Fellow dieter, Martin Bishop added: “If we’re all going to be vaporised into piles of dust then I may as well be a slightly bigger pile of dust.”