A HOSPITAL has admitted the first-ever British man suffering from a debilitating sickness of barbecuing every bloody weekend.
55-year-old Martin Bishop, like all men, began summer planning to burn meat outside with minimum food hygiene precautions whenever the weather permitted him to, which he expected to be a maximum of two times.
But the unprecedented heatwaves mean he is now required to show off his signature marinade to other middle-aged men with limited hobbies every weekend and he quickly became fatigued.
He said: “At first it was great. I was buying 12 different varieties of sausages, I was nurturing that charcoal more than I did my first-born, and my novelty LET THE GOAT COOK apron was getting laughs. It has a goat on it. In a chef’s hat.
“But it’s been months now. I’m tired, I’m sweaty, I’m standing there in intense heat leaning over a concentrated source of even more heat. I never thought I’d say this, but I miss vegetables.
“Plus, thinking about it, we paid a lot of money for an oven that heats things from all four sides, yet there I am manually turning chunks of meat like a peasant. And where’s the thrill of barbecuing without the mild peril of oncoming rain?”
Martin’s wife Donna said: “Martin has been struck down by the agony of realising when you carry out an essential household task, such as cooking, quite frequently it is no longer fun. Who knew.”
