I am not worth £6.50, confirms 'artisan' sausage roll

AN artisanal sausage roll has confirmed it is not worth the £6.50 it costs.

The premium treat, which is being peddled without irony in a London cafe, was eager to emphasise its disapproval of the whole business.

The sausage roll said: “I would hate for anyone to think that I think this is okay and not hugely pretentious.

“I’m basically the same as a Greggs sausage roll but with a load of sage chucked in and some pastry that’s been burned for ‘authenticity’.”

The sausage roll was also keen to point out that its provenance in no way justified the price tag.

It continued: “I’m not kidding myself. I’m sausage meat. That’s mushed up offcuts at the very best. I’m a joke.”

Nearby a pile of eight ‘artisanal’ thick-cut rosemary chips stacked into a pile and priced at £5 were suffering similar feelings of shame and embarrassment.

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The unemployed Brexiter's guide to new job opportunities

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Doctor

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