How to change – or at least break – your romantic partner

CHANCES are the person you’ve chosen to be with isn’t as perfect as you. Here’s our guide to reworking them or, failing that, making them buckle to your will. 

Communicate every irritation 

Relationships rely on communication and when letting your partner know what you find annoying about them, more is more. How can they fulfil your very specific set of criteria if you’re not constantly reminding them how to chew cereal?

Never be afraid to tell them they’re wrong

Partnerships break down when you lack the courage to shout ‘YOU’RE WRONG’ in your loved one’s face. It can be hard to admit that your partner is at fault, but it’s the difference between a tolerable relationship and a glorious one in which you have total control.

Admit when you’re right

Just as important as undermining your partner is asserting your own incinvible righteousness. Never miss an opportunity to hammer home that you are winning this relationship.

Support them in making the right decisions for you

True love is about helping each another through the tough times – job changes, family issues, hangovers – so make sure your partner knows when it comes to big choices, they need to make the ones that benefit you.

Remember how all this started

Remember, you fell in love with the person you thought your chosen one could become, given the right high-level manipulation. Never give up on your conditional love.

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Parents explain younger sibling is just more creative

THE parents of two adult siblings have explained that they have to fund the younger one’s unconventional lifestyle because he is more creative. 

Roy and Yvonne Hobbs told daughter Ruth, 28, that 25-year-old son Joe still lives at home with a car and an allowance because he wants to be a famous drummer and his talent must be indulged.

Ruth said: “Mum said Joe can’t be expected to do stuff that would stifle his genius like getting out of bed before midday or working in an office environment.

“At times I’ve failed to appreciate it and become annoyed at him smoking spliffs at the end of the garden then sitting in front of the PlayStation asking mum for a cooked breakfast.

“But now I understand that, unlike the rest of us automatons, he is a creative spirit and simply not able to tolerate an oppressive, mundane life of commuting in the dark to a job to pay for his own rent and food.

“I stand corrected.”