Middle-class couple interviewing turkeys

A MIDDLE-CLASS couple are interviewing a shortlist of six turkeys to decide which one will grace their Christmas table. 

Eleanor and Iain Shaw have been narrowing down the list since August and are almost ready to name the special bird that will take pride of place at this year’s Yuletide feast.

Eleanor said: “We’re not one of those gauche couples who suddenly turn up at the village butcher in November, expecting his best turkey. Those people may as well get one frozen from Aldi.

“We’ve met farmers, discussed breeds, slaughter methods and hanging, and now we’re interviewing our final six face-to-face. Getting to know them. It’s the only responsible way.

“We’ll discuss background, diet, what kind of recipes and presentational style they favour, what they feel they can bring to the Shaw household.

“Then I anticipate there’ll be some hard bargaining between Iain and I – he’s set on a Black Spanish, I lean more towards a German-bred Narragansett – before we notify the lucky winner.

“It’d very important that we have a bird with whom we have built a personal relationship.”

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TK Maxx Christmas advert lasts three hours and ends in a fight

TK MAXX’S new Christmas advert is three hours long and ends in a punch-up. 

The advert initially dazzles with a host of designer names but then continues to showcase brands you are not sure you have heard of, have not heard of and are half-convinced are made up.

Director Julian Cook said: “A woman takes a pair of Gucci heels to the checkout before realising they’re different sizes. A man slices his hand open on a cheaply-made Christmas decoration.

“The unnamed hero of the story is a grandparent trying to find a present for his beloved granddaughter, and we follow him through the story until, in keeping with the shopping experience, something else catches our eye and we forget him completely.

“It all ends with an epic fight over Calvin Klein boxers at the checkout, soundtracked by a Sugababes track which isn’t a Christmas song but which was available for a bargain price.”

Viewer Norman Steele said: “It’s overlong, overwhelming, and ultimately exhausting. I will watch it again.”