Mum's life ruined after she forgets to order school dinners

A MUM’S life is in tatters after she was forced to make her kids packed lunches for an entire week.

Mother-of-two Emma Bradford received the bad news on Monday lunchtime and had to humiliatingly rush to the school with jam sandwiches. 

Bradford said: “I considered keeping the kids off school all week but realised that would be even more annoying.

“It doesn’t help that I have one child who will only eat sandwiches made out of unicorn tears or something equally picky, and another who hates bread. How did I raise such fussy b*stards?

“Then I have to give them the obligatory fruit we all know is just going to come back as a horrible mess with one bite taken out of it.

“I mean, do they really need lunch every single day? I doubt it. And you’d think the school would be pleased with childhood obesity on the rise.”

59-year-old grounded by his mum

A 59-YEAR-OLD man has been grounded by his mother for having bad friends and lying about it. 

Andrew Windsor of Windsor was told by his elderly mother it was bad enough he was hanging around with that horrible Epstein boy, but even worse that he thought he could lie and get away with it. 

Andrew said: “So that’s it. I’m grounded. No jets, no helicopter, nothing. This is so unfair.

“I said ‘What about all my charities, I’ll still need to go to them’ and mum said ‘They’re all dropping you and you never went to them anyway’. Which is frankly hurtful at a time like this. 

“Now I’m confined to a 30-room house with a mere 98 acres of grounds for the foreseeable future. No nightclubs, no international business meetings, no golf. I might as well be dead. 

“She’s stopped my pocket money – only £249k a year, so it was already a pittance – and I’m only allowed guests to the house if they’re not sex traffickers or dictators’ sons. Which basically leaves no one.” 

Mother Elizabeth said: “He’s not completely grounded. I’ve given him permission to still take his girls to Woking Pizza Express.”