Sunday, 1st November 2020

Skilled lover or a bit common: What does your takeaway delivery say about you?

TAKEAWAY deliveries are more popular than ever, but what does your meal say about your social class, personality and lovemaking skills? Read on and find out.

Domino’s Pizza

You are not going to enjoy hearing this, but it has to be said. A liking of Domino’s bog-standard pizza means you are unadventurous in bed. Try something other than the missionary position before your partner leaves you for a libertine who likes Pizza Express ones with loads of chillis. 

Delivery from a gastropub

This firmly establishes your middle-class status, especially if you eat your massively overpriced meal of mezze flatbread and pomegranate salad in a home full of unread books by Noam Chomsky and Salman Rushdie while excessively praising Marina Hyde’s latest article in the Guardian. 

Kebab meat and chips 

For people who fear the wild exoticism of pitta bread and salad. You need to be more aspirational and break out of your self-limiting, peasant-like view of the world and aim higher. Start by having the kebab meat in a bap with some mayonnaise.

Fried chicken bucket

Note: bucket. No one tells you where to draw the line, you crazy mutha! Rather than gnawing off every last bit of meat from one of the 30-or-so chicken pieces, you just start a new one. You are unafraid of new challenges, an enthusiastic lover and a genuine rebel. Although you have been having strange twinges in your left side recently.

McDonald’s

If you are overcome with joy by having a Big Mac brought to you on a bicycle, maybe it is time to rethink your life.