A TAKEAWAY restaurant wrongly believes itself capable of preparing high-quality Italian, American, Turkish and Chinese food simultaneously.
Flamin’ Tasty in Kidsgrove, owned and managed by former soldier Roy Hobbs, offers a wide range of international dishes cooked by a qualification-free and entirely British workforce.
Hobbs said: “In the restaurant game choice is what it’s all about. You want mouth-watering Southern fried chicken? Josh can knock that up from frozen no problem.
“Or how about a taste of the mysterious East? It’s a load of bollocks about Chinese food being difficult to cook. I bulk-buy noodles and serve them with reconstituted chicken lumps, peas and tubs of catering gravy.
“Perhaps a delicious, freshly baked crispy pizza without olives or any of that Italian cobblers is more up your street? Tesco value, none of your shite.
“The doner kebab thing looks after itself, although I’ve never worked out what temperature it should be at. Don’t eat it myself because it always makes me sick. I must be allergic.”
Regular customer Wayne Hayes said: “I always get the Mexican salsa burger which is delicious. I don’t know if it tastes entirely authentic, because I’ve never been to Mexico and I only get it when I’m pissed.”