Thursday, 29th October 2020

Vegan caught leering at cheese

A SHAMELESS vegan has been caught ogling a block of cheese with his mouth wide open and drool hanging out.

Tom Booker, who usually shuns all animal products, was distracted by the block of Morrisons mature cheddar as he reached to pick up a carton of oat milk.

Booker said: “It was clearly flirting with me by flaunting its Strength 3 label. I blame the staff for positioning it in my sanctimonious eyeline.

“I’ll admit my heart was racing as I stood there frozen in lecherous admiration. I imagined slowly grating it over a piping hot Quorn lasagne, the double standards only adding to the intensity of the flavour.

“In my head I was only looking for a couple of seconds. It was only when the manager asked me to leave because they were closing that I realised I’d miscalculated.”

Booker’s girlfriend Helen Archer said: “Tom says this is the first time but he does it every week during the big shop.

“I honestly don’t mind, although I think he could do better than that Morrisons own-brand rubbish. Maybe the cheapness is all part of the fun?”