Vegetarian 'honestly' doesn't mind if you eat meat in front of them, you awful prick

A VEGETARIAN is definitely, completely sure that there is no problem with you eating your medium-rare steak while sat opposite them, you dick.

Carolyn Ryan, a long-term vegetarian, is completely fine with friends and family consuming the flesh of an innocent animal right in her f**king face, ‘no don’t worry about it’.

She continued: “Like they’d give a shit if I wasn’t ‘fine’. Trust me, I’ve tried.

“Sure, flay and cremate a chicken right in front of me. Why would I mind? It’s only completely contrary to my stated value system.

“Some vegetarians still buy meat for others, or cook it. I personally won’t do either of those things, but apparently casting judgement if on a first date a carcass is delivered to our table is ‘rude’.

“I have the good table manners not to comment because it’s preferable to carnivores getting all huffy and turning away from the table to bite their burgers, like that makes it better.

“The only thing I vocally object to is if you’re the kind of knob that has ketchup with a filet mignon. I mean, Jesus, did a cow really have to die for that?”

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Andy Burnham a bit worried about this red wedding invitation he's been sent

MANCHESTER mayor Andy Burnham has admitted being suspicious about a wedding invitation he has received which is unusually red. 

The brightly-coloured and unexpected invite, hand-delivered to Burnham’s home this morning, is for the wedding of a friend he had no idea was even engaged and asks him to bring along the deputy mayor, the treasurer and Manchester’s Chief Constable.

Burnham said: “It’s in the Midlands but tier one, outside and socially distanced, and Freya is a good friend. I always swore I would attend and should honour that promise.

“But the thing is I’m not quite at ease about the colour. It’s crimson. And glossy. I keep catching it out of the corner of my eye and it almost looks like something else.

“I hope she’s not still resentful about the time I said I’d marry her, back in college when when we were leathered off tequila. Nah.

“It would be great to get out after this civil war I’ve been fighting against all them in the south. Relax, have a few drinks, feast, completely forget about my enemies.

“You know what? I will accept this red wedding invitation. What can go wrong?”