Sunday, 1st November 2020

Wetherspoons is, and has always been, a restaurant

THE Wetherspoons chain of restaurants will remain open in tier three areas because they only serve alcohol as an accompaniment to cordon bleu meals. 

The restaurants, which have a two-month waiting list for reservations and a strict dress code, have remained open in Liverpool because alcohol is not a core part of their business. 

Maître d’ Nathan Muir said: “Of course the discerning diners of Birkenhead will be able to enjoy a chilled glass of Le Montrachet with their sole meunière. Civilisation’s light is not yet snuffed, after all. 

“Naturally there are gourmets so enamoured with our spectacular menus that they visit daily, often from 10am. And perhaps they cleanse their palates with a pitcher or two of Hawaiian Pipeline Punch. 

“But they do not come to us to drink. That’s as ridiculous as suggesting they come here just to be somewhere dry and warm. 

“We must remain open so the gastronomes of Liverpool can be sated. The people of Toxteth all agree that life without a plate of Wetherspoons’ famous escargots à la bourguignonne is life unlived.” 

Muir added: “This attack on our business is politically motivated because our owner is a proud Europhile who loves continental Europe. As Tim always says, ‘Vive la EU!’”