A 30-YEAR-OLD man has announced that he will be getting fatter and fatter over the coming decades.
Tom Booker informed his friends and family of the decision, saying that it was out of his control unless he did regular exercise, which was highly unlikely.
Booker said: “I was never that health-conscious before I turned 30 so I unless I get hooked on jogging, then I’ve just got to accept it’s elasticated pants from here on in.
“Over the next five years I’ll get quite fat, and by the time I’m 45 I’ll be really fat.
“The other alternative is to start taking hard drugs, that’d keep the weight off. I would probably lose my teeth a bit quicker than I’d like but I suppose it’s all about getting the right balance.”
Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute of Studies added: “Buddha once said, ‘Decay is inherent in all compound things. Strive on with diligence’.
“He was a fat, bald bastard though so he was bound to say that.”