Former BHS worker urged to give up radio controlled yacht

AN UNEMPLOYED ex-BHS worker has been told by his wife that the batteries for his radio controlled yacht are too expensive.

47-year-old Tom Logan enjoys sailing the boat on a small pond at his local park, which helps to fill his days now that he is on the dole.

He said: “I love my remote control sailing boat but it really eats up batteries, especially when there is a strong or even mild breeze.

“Now that we are living on benefits my wife has been really on my case to sell it on eBay, which might bring in £50 towards winter heating bills although there are some scratches to the hull where a duck tried to have sex with it.”

Logan accepts that ownership of a decadent two-foot yacht may seem tasteless to his former colleagues. He said: “I saw my old team leader in the park the other day and she started asking me how much it costs to maintain a carbon fibre toy boat.

“I supposed there’s always someone who’s going to be jealous of your lifestyle, but I worked bloody hard to buy this from the model shop.

“Now though I’m skint and just wishing I’d nicked a shitload of jumpers.”

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Seven-year-old can tell X Factor is shit

THE X FACTOR is obviously just a lot of shit, a seven-year-old child has confirmed.

Caitlin Muir, who watches the show with her mother and sister, said that despite the bright colours and people cheering, it is clear the ITV programme is a waste of her valuable time.

Muir said: “Obviously, I’m not eloquent enough to go into any great detail, I just have a very strong gut feeling.

“I could be watching someone sing a song and then cry on TV, or I could be in the garden, pretending I’m an airplane.

“Assuming you’re even vaguely intelligent, what would you rather do?”

An ITV spokesman said: “Britain is in full agreement that The X Factor is a really great show for the whole family. If your child doesn’t enjoy it you might want to ask yourself what you’re doing wrong.

“Or perhaps you should just go and live somewhere else?”