A&E waiting times would improve if you weren’t such idiots, say experts

ACCIDENT and emergency waiting times have worsened because Britain is so full of cretins, experts have confirmed.

Researchers found the key issue affecting hospital A&E provision was not funding or organisation, but the sheer heft of Britain’s collective stupidity.

Martin Bishop, a 33 year-old man who is currently sitting in an A&E department in Stevenage, said: “I’ve got a bit of a sore throat.”

Professor Henry Brubaker, from the Institute for Studies, added: “For fuck’s sake.”

According to the Institute, A&E waiting times have increased as Britain’s educational standards have plummeted.

Professor Brubaker said: “We experts call that ‘correlation’. Don’t look it up in a dictionary, because you’ll probably end up setting fire to yourself.

“In fact, don’t do anything or go anywhere. Just sit in the corner and shut your idiotic face.”