DOES the mere suggestion that wearing a mask might stop the spread of illness send you into apoplectic paranoid fury, or are you normal? Take our quiz.
Do you enjoy freaking out about things that aren’t actually happening?
A) No, there’s an awful lot of real stuff to freak out about at the moment without making up some extra nonsense. No one’s making me wear a mask.
B) Just because they haven’t forced us to wear masks yet, it doesn’t mean it couldn’t happen any second. Who are ‘they’? Do some research, idiots.
Do you spend too much time on social media?
A) No, it mainly seems to be full of grifters and conspiracy theorists.
B) How much is too much? Because it’s the only place you can discover the truth about everything from chemtrails to ‘the Great Reset’. All those conspiracy theories take time to digest.
Do you think the government is secretly trying to control you?
A) I know the government encourage us to behave a certain way as a population but I don’t think they have a particular interest in me, no. Because I’m not a massive narcissist.
B) Yes, the UK government is a puppet of shadowy forces that want to subjugate me personally, which would definitely happen if I wore a mask for five minutes while popping to Tesco.
Do you use terms like ‘face nappy’ and ‘muzzle’ without feeling embarrassed?
A) Absolutely not. Because I’m a grown adult who understands public health issues and not a conspiracy-addled teenager perpetually plugged into the internet.
B) Of course. I also think the phrase ‘sheeple’ is an excellent demonstration of my towering intellect.
Would you tut at someone you saw wearing a mask on the street?
A) No. They could have anything going on, like a seriously ill relative. Also, I’ve got other things to think about than being a judgemental twat.
B) Yes. They are willingly wearing the shackles of slavery. We must rise up against the Deep State, the World Economic Forum, George Soros, Shergar and whatever other bollocks I’ve got obsessed with on Reddit this week.
Answers
Mostly As: You might consider wearing a mask again if health professionals recommended it but at the moment it all seems to be a fuss kicked up by the Daily Mail.
Mostly Bs: You say ‘paranoid’, I say ‘awake’. And of course I’m in an apoplectic fury, I spend several hours a day on Twitter.
