Sunday, 27th September 2020

Colleague going around sneezing and touching things

AN office worker is going around sneezing and then blatantly touching things, co-workers have confirmed. 

Procurement manager Mary Fisher has been observed by several people sneezing into her hands then touching the the kind of hard, smooth surfaces that are perfect for passing on her filthy germs to whoever touches them next. 

Colleague Helen Archer said: “We’ve no hard proof that Mary’s got a cold yet. But let’s face it, it’s mid-October, chances are. 

“And the selfish bitch isn’t even wiping her hands with a tissue, let alone anti-bacterial alcohol-based hand sanitiser. It’s horrendously inconsiderate. 

“She came into a meeting with a stack of handouts and flicked them at us while we flinched. We all tried to turn the pages with our pens. 

“Her keyboard and monitor must be seething with disease like a bacteriologist’s petri dish. You could use them for biological warfare. She should be placed in quarantine.” 

Manager Stephen Malley said: “It is kind of disgusting. But speaking as a man, I know how few of us wash our hands after a wee.”