Coughing during sex is fine, claim smokers

PAUSING during sex to have a lengthy coughing fit is fine, according to smokers.

Researchers found that over 80 per cent of smokers have to stop during sexual intercourse to clear their chests.

45-year-old smoker Mark Irwin said: “My wife doesn’t mind, it’s almost like an extension of foreplay.

“I sit on the edge of the bed, have a good old cough and perhaps a drink of water. Then romance is resumed. I don’t think it spoils the mood.

He added: “After sex I generally have a cigarette, it’s almost the best bit.”

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Corbyn’s Christmas lunch to be his usual thin soup plus half a potato

JEREMY Corbyn’s special Christmas meal will be his staple thin soup but with the addition of half a potato.

The Labour leader’s usual daily diet is a frugal, flavourless soup that constantly simmers in a battered saucepan on a portable gas stove in his otherwise empty kitchen.

However he has revealed plans for a special Christmas variant involving decadent potato slices.

Corbyn said: “I don’t nomally like to waste money on anything except the minimum nutritional essentials for staying alive, but as it’s the festive season and I have family coming round, I’ve decided to splash out.

“The potato will really compliment the vaguely oniony flavour of the base liquid. I expect the meal to be quite a talking point – I may even throw in some herbs if I can find anything growing on the roadside. No salt though, it’s expensive and ethically questionable.

“I’ll use half a potato in the broth and we can share the other half for pudding, if anyone still has room.

“Of course it will be shared equally – two potato chunks per guest.”