Saturday, 5th December 2020

Couple locked in fierce competition to be the most knackered

A COUPLE will stop at nothing to prove to each other that they have had the more exhausting day. 

Tom and Hannah Booker are each trying to outdo the other in slumping, sighing, yawning performatively and pretending to have forgotten what they are saying halfway through.

Tom said: “What a day. What a bloody day. I could fall asleep right now. Up at 6am, nightmare on the train, had to skip lunch to train the new guy, absolutely knackered.”

Hannah replied: “Yeah, by 6am I’d already been awake two hours because I’m so worried, and it’s been relentless. Like not stopped for a second. I am ready to drop.”

Tom answered: “Of course I didn’t doze off until about 2am because I was so stressed about this fucking annual report. And I didn’t get a seat on the train there or back. And I’m worried about Brexit.”

Hannah countered: “Has something been going on with Brexit? Not had chance to look at my phone all day. I’m on my knees over here. I’m so tired I can’t see.”

Following their conversation the couple lay in wait on opposite couches, ready to seize on any action by the other to proclaim that no way would they have the energy to do that.