Friday, 4th December 2020

Dickhead manages to get sunburnt in February

AN utter dickhead has achieved the rare feat of being badly sunburnt in Britain in February.

Tom Booker of Margate is proudly sporting the earliest cherry-red forehead, nose and neck in a calendar year since records began.

He said: “I saw the sun was shining in a cloudless sky and thought, ‘Oi oi, I think I could do myself some serious damage here.’

“Began at 9am mowing the lawn, then I was in the beer garden at the King Edward at opening time, then I settled down in a deckchair in the back garden to sleep the afternoon away.

“I’m not saying it was easy – there’s a bloody nip in the air still – but I’m now sporting a proud Englishman’s sunburn all over. You should see my face. Like a heat lamp it is.

“I reckon I can do the same in November, if the weather keeps its end up. Sunburnt 10 months of the year without even living in Spain.”

Booker added: “Global warming? Don’t make me laugh. Load of bollocks, that is.”