Friday, 7th May 2021

Fake cough now best way to skive off school, say kids

KIDS have revealed that coughing briefly in the morning can get them a large number of days off school.  

Children like six-year-old Nikki Hollis are enjoying blissful days at home after as little as five seconds’ coughing at breakfast designed to send their parents into a panic. 

She said: “It’s brilliant. Mum and dad were freaking out, sticking the thermometer under my tongue and asking weird questions about what I can smell. 

“Even though they decided it was probably just a ‘cough cough’ they couldn’t send me to school in case people thought it was a ‘Covid cough’ and they were irresponsible scum. 

“Dad said we need to do a ‘f**king three hour trip’ to Cornwall to get tested, so that sounds like fun too. 

“Daniel from Year 2 actually passed his cough test last week and he’s got the real thing so he gets a whole 14 days off. Lucky bastard.”