DOCTORS are hoping to reduce the number of patients with back complaints by forcing them to listen to hippies.
Traditional methods of treating lumbar pain such as diagnosing an actual illness and treating it with drugs, have proven ineffective, forcing the NHS to turn to chakra-juggling.
GP Roy Hobbs said: “I’ve gone through a pad and a half of sicknotes on the same forklift driver who accidentally picked up a box of pencils back in 1997. But he started to feel better after just two sessions of wind chimes and tofu-based flatulence.
“I think the final straw was when the hippies started discussing their recent trip to Bhutan. He managed to bend down to tie his shoes for the first time in years, as well as lifting a Fiat Punto that had blocked him in the carpark.”
Doctors have called for new research into alternative therapies and the lengths people will go to in order to avoid dealing with the people who peddle them.
A study in Carlisle amongst patients unable to work due to depression has already found that 65% of them felt able to return to their jobs when faced with the prospect of having their illness dealt with by someone named ‘Umbrella’.
Hobbs said: “I would even welcome having an alternative practitioner based permanently in the surgery so I could quickly divert the liars their way and get on with dealing with people who have convinced themselves they are actually unwell.”