Friday, 14th May 2021

Man returns to gym to flex his smugness

A SMUG bellend is already back in the gym to give his rippling vanity a workout, he has confirmed.

After a lockdown spent exercising in parks and on Instagram, Jack Browne was first in line to get back into his gym and start proudly curling his biceps in front of full-length mirrors.

Browne said: “The first day back is always the hardest, but I reckon I can take a few dozen pouting selfies while lounging on a rowing machine without even breaking a sweat.

“Once more people get here I’ll slather essential oils into my muscles then make thunderous grunts as I slam down some weights so everyone knows that I’m working out. Occasionally I’ll shout ‘Yes!’ like successes do.

“For a warm down I’ll share my achievements on social media in forensic detail so nobody outside the gym feels like they’re missing out. It’s probably a real confidence boost to hear that I’ve been pumping iron since the crack of dawn.

“Then it’s just a case of swaggering around the changing room naked for a few minutes and getting some rest before doing it all again tomorrow.”