Man smashing Dry Veganuary has advantage of already being boring prick

A BORING bastard is finding not drinking or eating animal products for a month exceptionally easy because of his personal qualities. 

Joseph Turner, aged 34, already a largely teetotal vegetarian, challenged himself to give up alcohol and animal products simultaneously in what adds up to a minor lifestyle change for the ardent dullard.

He said: “I thought it would be something to do – or not do, haha – while my chess and prog rock clubs are both on hiatus.

“Swapping my usual low-fat cheese for vegan cheese has been a real adventure, and finding alcohol-free alternatives to the half-pint of porter I usually sip every Saturday night is a challenge I’m not taking lightly.

“Could I do it forever? Maybe. We’ll see where I am at the end of the month. On the first of February I’ll definitely treat myself to an M&S halloumi wrap and a pear cider, though.”

Colleague Lauren Hewitt, who has worked with Turner since 2018, said: “I thought he was already vegan. Or, like, allergic to everything? I don’t know, I don’t really know the guy.”

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