McDonald's workers stunned as someone orders Filet-O-Fish

WORKERS at a McDonald’s have been plunged into chaos after somebody ordered a Filet-O-Fish.

It is the first time anyone has chosen the oily, mayonnaise-slathered fish object since 1991 when a very drunk man mistakenly thought he was in a chippy.

McDonald’s worker Nikki Hollis said: “I was like ‘what?’. I even got him to write it down just to be sure I wasn’t hallucinating. I told him I’d have to go and get the manager.”

Staff at the York branch of McDonald’s considered phoning the police, but after consulting with head office it was confirmed that the only Filet-O-Fish in the UK would be helicoptered from its special underground containment unit in Halifax.

Hollis added: “When it arrived, it was the first time any of us had seen a Filet-O-Fish. There was a tense moment as I nearly put a gherkin on it and somebody screamed ‘no!’.”

However purchaser Roy Hobbs said: “The first bite tasted okay but then I looked inside the bap, which is always a mistake. There is a saying, ‘if you look into the Filet-O-Fish for long enough, the Filet-O-Fish looks into you’.

“I’m not eating that and I want my money back.”

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Millennials will never know the simple pleasure of a pack of ten fags

THE millennial generation will never know the simple, honest joy of purchasing a ten-pack of cigarettes, a study has found. 

Research showed that, in addition to squeezed wages, the housing crisis and global warming, millennials face the agony of either committing to 20 fags or having none at all. 

Social scientist Dr Helen Archer said: “This generation faces unbearable pressures. The collapse of public services, never being able to buy a home and being unable to get smokes for a night out without laying out more than a tenner. 

“Yes, they have iPhones, Fitbits and bitcoin, but they face being heavily taxed by their peer group in smoking areas because they are forced to carry a wealth of snouts. 

“Even in the post-war years, under rationing, Britons could buy five Woodbines and for many alive today it would seem inconceivable not to be able to get a pack of ten. 

“I only hope they will be able to forgive us for what we’ve done.”