Non-smokers’ lungs look disgusting too

LUNGS look horrible regardless of whether their owner smokes, it has emerged.

The persistent use of smokers’ lung imagery in anti-smoking campaigns prompted a comparison with the organs of those not addicted to cigarettes.

Coroner Tom Booker said: “Even perfectly healthy lungs are all red and glistening and nasty, like something out of a David Cronenberg film.

“However useful they may be, you wouldn’t want to eat one. And if you found one in your bed you’d fucking freak out.

“I actually think they look better a big blackened, it takes some of the sheen off.”

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People with more than two kids love squalor

PEOPLE who have three or more children do so because they enjoy living in squalid and disgusting conditions, it has emerged.

Psychiatrist Dr Helen Archer said: “Those with large families find the idea of living in revoltingly dirty and chaotic homes, with jam and faeces coating the walls, perversely appealing.

“Anyone can have one child. People are curious, they make mistakes, there’s nothing on the telly. 

“To have a second seems insane but there’s method in the madness; after a hellish couple of years, the big one spends most of its time torturing the little one and the parents get some respite. 

“A third child, however, demonstrates a wilful refusal to face reality and an active pursuit of squalor that sane people find incomprehensible.

“And a fourth puts the parents at a level of psychopathology similar to the Joker, who just wants to watch the world burn.”